


What?

by TS_RoyalTea



Series: It’s All About The Interpretation [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Cheating, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Logan Is Kinda Just Chilling In The Background, M/M, No Sex, One Shot, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Post-Split, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, You’ll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TS_RoyalTea/pseuds/TS_RoyalTea
Summary: What is it liked to be wanted?What is it like to be loved unconditionally?What is it like to live even just a day without being in constant pain and living in constant fear of yourself?Well, don’t ask Remus. He wouldn’t be able to answer a single question.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: It’s All About The Interpretation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1830901
Comments: 18
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I wrote this in one go at 3 am so leave me alone I’ll probably fix the mistakes in spelling and stuff tomorrow, I also might not. But ily, here have some slight projection angst

_What time was it? 2 a.m.? 3 maybe? Remus didn’t know, nor did he care._

_Though three a.m. would be pretty cool! That’s the devil’s hour! Imagine lying in bed all alone late at night, or well, early in the morning. Everything is dark and the only song you hear is from the fan in your bedroom. Imagine lying in pitch black darkness and immediately turning every odd sound of your octopus bubbling happily in his tank, or the foundation of the house settling, into a horrible moister with dripping fangs. Imagine not fearing any of these possibilities because that’d simply take too much effort._

Well, Remus didn’t have to imagine. He was well and truly alone. And it seemed as though the world wanted in it that way— or at least, Thomas’ mind did.

_Remus can still remember the day he and his brother were split. He remembers the pain of ripping in half with terrifying clarity. He remembers the argument their original had had with Morality as if he had been blindfolded, chained to cement and thrown underwater. He could never move to change what he knew would happen, he couldn’t see the anger on the so-called father’s face, and everything he heard sounded muffled and weird. But he knew that his memories were real._

 _He knew that after an agonizing twenty-six minutes of his, their(?), was it still his body if he and Roman were almost_ _split_ _by that point? Was it technically his body if he remembered the events leading up to the actual split itself? He didn’t know, and once again, he found himself rolling into his side as the bed squished with a mess of liquids underneath him, and not caring._

_But as he was thinking about before his idiotic mind got off track— it had been twenty-six minutes of agonizing pain as the body the original Creativity had was torn apart atom by atom. Every rip of even a single thread burned worse than the back of your throat after drinking bleach, and yes, he would know._

_He remembered crashing to the floor in a tangled heap of_ _limbs that moved like a newborn fawn. He and his twin slowly separated themself from the other and looked up to a sweaty Morality, a panicking Paranoia, though that was always true, a displeased Logic, and a worried Deceit. Roman was confused, not having known anything about who he had been, only knowing that the teen beside him was his brother, and that together they were Creativity. It was important for them to need each other! They were yin and yang! Mickey and Pluto! Roman and Remus..._

 _At least for those first few seconds. Morality took one look at the two of them, one dressed in white and royal red, the other in black and Disney villain green. He immediately pulled_ _the white side up by the arm and held him behind his body as if the black one would attack. Kinda racist if you ask Remus, but of course if he brought that up, then Patton would cry, and he’d just be even more of a villian._

_Morality lied. He lied about them ever having been one side and tells them that they’d just formed. He says that Roman, his brother, is good, but that he, Remus, was evil. Deceit tried to tell Roman that the cute little puffball was a filthy rotten liar, but oh how looks can be deceiving._

_Who would you believe if you found yourself or be a storybook prince? A soft, kind man on the verge of tears dressed in baby blues and beige? Or a_ _man with half a snake face, two different colored eyes, dressed in all black like a /villain/ with an evil cape to match?_

_Yeah. It seems Paranoia wasn’t surprised either, but the side was always so... paranoid, that his anxious ramblings about how lying to Creativity would cause problems in Thomas eventually went unheard.  
And so, Logic took Morality’s side and told Roman that he had indeed just been formed, and Paranoia stood firmly by Deceit and claimed the blues were liars. And Remus remembers what happened next well too._

_He remembers sobbing in emotional pain as Paranoia and his muscles from being a side that heavily favors fight_ _out of the classic choice of fight-or-flight, lifted him up and carted him away. He sobbed in pain as his brother, his other half, his Roman, crafted the first tool of the new divided Imagination, a sword. He wielded it against the sides in darker clothing, and forced them out of the fancy, warm home in which the blues and red stayed._

_If you ask Roman, he’ll tell you that no such thing ever happened. That he’s just always been with Patton and Logan since the beginning. Everyone else knows it’s not true... but they let him believe it for so long._

_Why did Remus have to be the one with all the bad memories? Why did he have to be the one to be forced with every bad thought one could imagine whether he wanted to or not? Why did he have to be the half of Thomas’ creativity that no one wanted around?_

_Why... Why did he end up losing everyone he cared about?_

_First, it was Roman. His Roman. His brother and his other half. It truly felt like half of him was kept away for most of Thomas’ teen and young adult life, and was only met with hostility whenever he did get to see his twin._

_Secondly, was his best friend. Virgil, was originally Paranoia. He worked well with Remus because as Remus would spew_ _the thoughts inside his head that made him want to take a Phillips head screwdriver and perform a lobotomy on himself, Virgil would take those concerns right up to the big boss Thomas. Heh... that rhymed._

_But then, for seemingly no reason, Virgil came back one day with a scowl. Remus didn’t know where he had been going for almost a year now, all he knew was that he always seemed more upset when he got back than when he left. But surely that was because of whatever happened there right?_

_Well, yeah. For a while that was right... but this time it wasn’t. This time Virgil came back and he was /mad/. He_ _blamed Remus for the very same thoughts that he had sympathized with him before because they both couldn’t control their doomsday fears and worries no matter how unwarranted or how unlikely they were.  
_

_Virgil told him that he had been using him to get to Thomas because he had been talking with him and the others. Apparently they had been filming the videos that Remus would watch over and over and over agin in the upcoming years to feel like he knew his brother at least a bit. Maybe even get to see how Virgil developed as he spent time with his real friends. Because at the time, Remus hadn’t even known Virgil had been in_ _contact with the others. He tried to tell him so, and even brought Janus around to back him up, and of course his Snakey did!_

_But Virgil turned into Janus just as quickly. He told him that a liar would always be a liar, and used almost the same exact words Patton had when he locked the door to the LightSide’s MindScape all those years ago before he stormed out and walked right through the door as if it hadn’t always been locked since that day way back when..._

_And so now, Remus was alone without his best friend. He had no one to talk conspiracy theories with. He had no one to help him cook and claim they were only making sure he didn’t set the_ _house on fire. He had no one to blast music with and dance until all their nervous energy was all worn out so they could collapse in a no-homo-bro cuddle pile at the end of the night._

_But the third... he hadn’t expected the third person to leave._

_Janus was so much more than Virgil, and even meant more to him than Roman! Janus was... Janus was perfect. He was beautiful and understanding. He was loyal and kind. And he was always, always there for Remus._

Ha! Remus laughs loudly, but he hasn’t used his voice in so long that he coughs and jacks up a figurative lung until the phrase comes to mind. His weak powers as Creativity take the idea, since it’s been so, so long since he’s had one, and make it so his coughs are wetter now with blood. He coughs and struggles to breathe for over two minutes before a collapsed lung retched itself out of his mouth and onto the pillow. His sallow cheeks are pink with the effort coughing took out of him.

He swallows thickly, wishing he had enough strength to sit up and summon some water to drink, knowing full well he’s past the point of being able to stand and go down to the kitchen to get a cup on his own. His pale, skinnier-than-usual form struggled to sit up for a while, before he gives up and slumps back down into his pillows that used to be filled with squirming maggots and centipedes. But now the bugs are just as dead as Remus’ spirit.

_Heh. Speaking of giving up, where did he leave off? Something about Janus? Oh yeah! His Snakey! He used to always be there when times got tough. Janus was there through every creative block, every migraine, every random burst of energy that wasn’t directed at Virgil as they grew up together. Janus always gave him a different look than Virgil though. And it only got stronger the older they got._

_Eventually Remus would find out from eavesdropping that Janus had seen the King, his past lover, in Remus’ eyes. But he and Roman shared much more than just eyes... and luckily they didn’t share the burden of intrusive thoughts and forbidden creativity. No. That was Remus’ burden alone._

_And a few months before Virgil left, Janus told him that he loved him. That he would always be there for him and wanted Remus to know he was there for him in every way he needed._

_Those months were the best of his entire life... and yes, he did wish he had his brother with him too, but he knew that their relationship was a lost cause. He had known that ever since he woke up in pain while Roman felt none, and simply didn’t care that Remus’ lip was bleeding._

He covered that scar well with his mustache he thinks. His dry lips smack together and his tongue comes out to lick the skin until he finds the tougher patch of skin where the scar from splitting sits like a lightning bolt. He thinks that Harry Potter got a much better deal than he did, but at least he isn’t written by a racist transphobe.

_Those months where he was dating Janus and staying best friends with his Spider were the best months of his life. He can’t quite recall any specifics anymore... but he could still think back to a time where his presence in the Dark Sides common room would be welcomed._

Too bad there wasn’t a DarkSides common room anymore— he didn’t even get to destroy it, Remus thought glumly as he pouted a bit. Even on his death bed he was still childish at heart... Now there was only one MindScape now that they ‘all’ were accepted by Thomas.. he knew better than that though. He knew better than to dare to go downstairs unless he wanted sneers to be thrown his way and loud comments to be spoken about how they could smell him coming since he opened his bedroom door that had remained closed for a full two weeks now.

_He remembers those times fondly regardless of the pain he feels now. He feels happy to have gotten to experience at least a fraction of his wildest dream in real life, even if it only had two of three of the most important people in his life in it._

_Because now, he had zero. None. Absolutely zero. What happened to Janus? Well... After Virgil left, Remus and Janus began to crumble. The dark emo nightmare had held their little family together and kept them all sane, whether he knew that or not. And Virgil’s betrayal had hurt his ex-boyfriend just as much as it had hurt Remus. Janus was just better at hiding it so it was sometimes easy to forget that Janus was also struggling whenever Remus’ thoughts got out_ _of control and he had no one to babble to except for Janus._

_Looking back, he knows he was a fool to believe Deceit when after the trial video he told him that they should take a break. Just to see how it would affect Thomas. That they could still be friends and that Janus would never leave. He just couldn’t take Remus’ need to please any longer! He just couldn’t handle... well, Remus for any longer._

_And when the wedding finally came, Janus was on thin ice with the others, but at least he wasn’t actively being frowned anymore. Remus was proud of him, and all though he felt used, he knew deep down that it was for the best. Janus had ‘let him out of his cage’ as the_ _others saw it. He let him go play with his brother, his ex-best friend and his host, and used that as an example of what he has to deal with every single day to gain sympathy from the others._

Remus sniffles weakly and wipes his nose on his blanket. He doesn’t know why his body is bothering trying to hold on anymore. He knows he’s not wanted, but perhaps this is the flash everyone sees before dying. Except the flash was only over quickly for humans. Maybe for sides they got to see a full painful recap of their life... how fun.

_It was only after the callback two weeks and three days ago that Janus truly began leaving Remus. At least, enough for the Duke to notice. Because once he told Thomas his name, the LightSides always seemed to want him around. Him being Janus of course! Ha! No way you could’ve thought it was Remus... not even his kinda-ex-boyfriend wanted him._

_Everytime Remus suggested they hang out, there was something that needed to be done for Thomas, or something that Janus had promised Roman or Patton or Virgil or Logan he would do. Every. Single. Time._

_It took Remus three days of desperately chaining himself to his dresser_ _to avoid breaking Janus’ trust and invading his privacy before he broke. He eavesdropped in on Janus staying the night with Roman and heard far more of his brother than he ever wanted to hear._

_Thats when he heard Janus confess that Roman was so much more like King Creativity than Remus was. That his mouth tasted like the King. That his cock was the same size as the King. That he filled him up so well and so lovely like the King and the implied “so much better than Remus” was loud enough to muffle Remus choked sob._

_Why was he even sad? What right did he to feel heartbroken when Janus had already warned him that they were_ _on a break? Why hadn’t he realized that Janus was merely letting him down easy not giving him hope of being good enough again? Why was he even more hurt when he stumbled blindly to Virgil’s room in their now shared MindScape, and upon seeing who was standing at the door, it was shut immediately without a word despite the tears dripping down Remus’ face._

Remus’ chest rattled as he wheezed and coughed up some more blood, but this time was too weak to try and clean up the mess. Instead, he finally saw that bright light everyone told him about. He knew he was doing the right thing. He knew despite wishing that he was wrong, that no one would care about him. He’s spent the last two weeks slowly wasting away in his room.   
  


He was too far gone to hear the scream at the door, and he was definitely too far gone to recognize the light was coming from the hallway and his now open door...


	2. Not actually a chapter but news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore the P. S. At the bottom idk how to make it go away

Heyo kiddos, with all the overwhelming love for this fic, I’ve decided to turn it into a series! I’ll have at least two more fics in the same realm to see things from Dee’s side and Romans’ side of what happened. It’ll be angsty as fuck, but if you logged this, you love these next ones. In rendering On whether or not I should turn this into an intrulogical fic-verse and make a fourth chapter from Logan’s view simply because he was barely in this one, but idk. Tell me what you think! And until the next update, have a great day my guys, gals and non-binary pals!

**Author's Note:**

> P. S. Do you like the open ending? Or should I make a Part Two and give the fluff?


End file.
